Residual-Detritus

The salmon malaise tweed build of this labyrinthine interface (mistakenly read yesterday’s passages. It’s) rubbing off on my tender nascent mourning.

I arrived on a monday. I wanted to hang out with ma. She wasn’t eating, so I had come prepared to encourage her, or to drive a noisy propped plane or a locomotive into her mouth. When I arrived in Minneapolis, my mother met me a the airport.* As we drove to see my grandmother, she told me; “Ethel had a stroke last night, and she’s not very responsive.”

At her apartment and bedside a hospice musician sitting in one of ma’s large reclining armchairs before a yamaha keyboard on a collapsable x-shaped stand was playing lilting and innocuous liminal tunes.

my peripatetic scourging stopped ?in her bedroom. I said goodbye, ended the phone call and witnessed silence. Ma’s rasping has stopped. Ma. I held her hand. I pressed my head to her chest. I put my cheek to her mouth. I tried to close it.

Later, sitting with my daughter in the balcony dining area overlooking the buffet from which she just selected her meal, I responded to her question of “How did she die?” with:

Well, she had lived a long time.  She had a stroke – and parts of her body stopped working. She could no longer eat or drink. The few words she spoke after I arrived were in my response to a story I told her about you. I told her about how you were concerned for me because I don’t believe in god. She moaned and groaned as she moved her legs under her covers. I said to your great grandmother; you don’t like this story do you, ma?

She looked at me for the first time since her stroke and said “NO.”

Because she wasn’t eating or drinking her body began to shut down. It slowly stopped working and she died. Lucy released a sigh of resignation and said “Ah…Entropy.”

while polyphony whistled around the previous harrowing corner, You won’t feel it in this curve. she tasted the tears as they crested his curling lips. it wasn’t so much that he withdrew, as he could no longer hold his head upright. he thought of how he had tortured his younger brother when his brother still had bright blond hair. Sitting on his chest – upper arms pinioned to the freshly cut grass by his knees. Leaning over his face, and sliding his hands past either side of his brother’s confidently defiant face – fingers interlaced behind the back of his head. Lift up. Then release. Head suspends momentarily, then is lowered gently back onto the grass. The younger smiles. Undaunted, the older lifts repeats; bringing his brother’s chin up to touch his chest lift and release. Again, the head easily lowered back into the soft, barely itchy grass. After the XXth repetition, exhausted?neck muscles disobey and cave to gravity’s occipitally thumping suck to the earth. Enough. Sovereignty transferred to a tremulously daunted will. Neck and upper torso leveling my face near the reproaching fiber of her lips – then feign collapsing retreat of nonreciprocal strain. petal crushed stain of regret fed to the old, ceramic gods. ?While turning blurry vision towards the waxing interloping vacuousness, the last of the hot coercion spills in rivulets of steam staining my face – puddling in my ear

Welled brackish in the recess of my eyes

the tears pooled

my lashes poked out – and blue the butterfly kisses of a fish dying on it’s side

pectoral fin’s fluttering decrescendo

hinting at the lilt

transferring to the hilt of

the source of this fidelity

mannish goy sent packing

spanish philter’s awkward absence.

He came up tight behind her on the second curve. She was breaking harder than what was required for a crisp recovery into the lazy straight away ahead. Ahh – she was adjusting her earpiece. One hand on the wheel almost out of the turn and the break lights are still on. she must be on the phone.

they had promised they weren’t going to what they where in the middle of happen again.

malated twisting surrender to gravity espresso into vertigo’s latency. this mother had sadie by the nape. hastening, she felt the teeth digging taut painless rivet. Anticipating the sand and land-caked crevate trained principal sluicing siren. Yeow!